


I Don't Deserve This

by SamCatsOLD



Series: Tales of Redemption [1]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, At least there's a happy ending, Fluff, I'm Sorry, I'm a terrible person, Monster Tom, Paul and Patryk are overprotective, Self-Harm, Tord Redemption, kind of, my finger slipped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 07:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10239098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamCatsOLD/pseuds/SamCatsOLD
Summary: A.K.A5 times Tord felt loved and 1 time it wasn't enough





	

**1**

After having people stare at him for a few weeks now, you’d think Tord would be used to them. But when the stares were from people you knew, they were much harder to deal with. Plus, he wasn’t sure why they were staring. Was it the robot arm? The scars disfiguring his face? Had they thought he was dead? Was it because he had tried to kill them? 

He really should have seen it coming, though. Upon arriving, the people in the lobby had stared at him; the guy who’d been unlucky enough to get in the elevator with him had stared at him; the vaguely familiar man entering the apartment across from Edd’s had stared at him. 

Had it been a bad idea to have Patryk track his old friends down? Probably. Was it a bad idea to show up at their door without warning? Definitely. Was it a bad idea to arrive showing the scars and weaponry? Yes. Especially since sweet, trusting Edd was the one to answer the door, the one Tord had to stutter a greeting to.

“Tord?” Edd had always been the nicest. Matt was too vain; Tom was either drunk or just rude. Maybe it should’ve been Tom who had answered the door. He’d just slam it shut again and spare Edd the pain. Assuming Tom was in the apartment. He’d only asked Patryk to find Edd’s apartment.

“H-hello, old friend.” Well done, Tord. Repeat the last thing they heard before you blew up. Great idea.

Edd seemed to think so, at least. It took Tord a few seconds to comprehend his situation, so by the time he’d realised what was happening, it was too late to stop it. Not that he really wanted to. He was mostly confused. Edd was hugging him. Tord had tried to kill him, but he was hugging him.

After a moment or two, Edd pulled away. Tord continued to stare.

“I thought you were dead!”

Oh. Of course. Hug the dead man just because he’s dead. Don’t worry about the fact that he might be there to kill you, because you thought he was dead. Of course. Not even Edd could forgive something like attempted murder. Still, it had felt nice. At least for a moment.

* * *

**2**

Despite his suspicions, Tord had taken Edd up on the offer of sharing an apartment. Edd had a spare room, Tord had two overprotective soldiers who acted like his parents… Everyone was happy! Sort of. Even though Edd constantly told him that he was forgiven, Tord couldn’t help but feel like he was lying. Not that he didn’t trust Edd, but… how could you forgive someone who had tried to kill you?

Matt, however, was more upset about being given a black eye. Tord had woken one day to hear talking outside his room. Edd never had the TV on loud and he wasn’t known for talking to himself. That left a few options, including, but not limited to: Paul and Patryk being overprotective parents and trying to kidnap him; Tom showing up with the intention of killing him; or Matt coming over to… do whatever it is that Matt does to people he’s mad with.

Curiosity had won over and Tord had snuck into the living room to see Edd at the door, talking to Matt, who was outside in the hall. Neither of them had noticed him yet, so he crept silently back into his room and waited for the talking to stop.

After nearly ten minutes of waiting Tord was hungry and the talking hadn’t stopped. Wanting nothing more than to die, he shuffled nervously out of his room once again. Edd and Matt were on the sofa, chatting. Great. Tord was in hell.

And Matt chose that exact moment to glance towards the only open door in the apartment. Tord prayed for the sweet release of death. Maybe his robot arm would malfunction and electrocute him. That would… not be painless. Never mind.

Matt stared for a moment; Edd followed his friend’s gaze, eyes widening when he saw Tord.

“I-is that-”

“Matt, please don’t freak out!”

The ginger stared at Edd for a moment before turning back to Tord, who was inwardly begging for some force of nature to strike him dead. Surely he’d offended some god at some point. Why couldn’t they just kill him already?

“Why are you here?”

And now Matt was talking to him! Could somebody please kill him?

What did he even say to that? The truth? Would Matt believe the truth? It could hurt to try.

“I came to apologise.” There. Honesty is the best policy. Whoever had thought of that had not considered that maybe you were telling the truth to somebody you’d tried to kill. 

Edd seemed genuinely terrified. Matt continued to look at Tord, but there was something in his expression now. As if he were expecting something. Oh.

“I’m sorry for trying to kill you.”

“And?”

“I’m sorry for blowing up the house.”

“And?”

“I’m sorry for punching you?”

Matt smiled. “Just don’t do it again.”

Tord was even more confused than when Edd had hugged him. Was that it? Was this forgiveness? Was he forgiven? Whatever it was, it felt nice seeing somebody smile at him without having to force them to. Even if it was probably fake.

* * *

**3**

Tord had been dreading this day since he’d arrived. Opening the door to see Edd gone. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t go out, what if he ran into Tom? Or even Paul and Patryk? Where had Edd even gone? Had he left a note? Luckily, yes. But it was a very unhelpful note!

_Gone to Matt’s place. –Edd_

Tord couldn’t just follow him! He didn’t know which apartment was Matt’s! What if he knocked on the wrong person’s door? Like… that ‘Eduardo’ person, or ‘Mark’? They’d probably try to kill him for killing… what did Edd say his name was? Jon? Yeah, Jon.

Or what if he knocked on Tom’s door? It would be terrible! He knew because that was what he had done. All Edd had told him was that Matt’s apartment was nearby. So Tord had walked down the hall, examining each door and narrowing it down to one of two. He’d knocked on the left one. The man to answer the door had not been wearing a green hoodie, or a purple one, but blue. Spiky hair, black eyes. Lack of eyes? Tord had never been sure and had never cared to ask.

He wasn’t sure what he had expected. A harpoon to the chest? A hug? A door to the face? His third assumption was probably closest. Also, Tom could move fast. Tord blinked and suddenly pain exploded in his cheek. Unconsciously, he lifted his hand to cover it, wincing at the pain. Luckily it was the good side of his face; a lot less sensitive.

“That was for Matt.”

The Norwegian turned his attention back to his assailant. A light purple mist was trailing from his eyes. Tord inwardly cringed. That was another thing he’d have to apologise for, wasn’t it? He didn’t have time to ask, because next thing he knew his entire face hurt and he was staring at the ceiling.

“That was for Jon.”

That didn’t really make them even. For that, Tord would need to die. What exactly was Tom aiming for here? When nothing happened for a while, he eventually decided to sit up and see if maybe Tom had left him there alone. Once he looked up, however, he was surprised to see his enemy offering his hand.

It could quite easily be some sort of ploy to get him on his feet before hitting him again, but, honestly, he deserved it. So it was with only a little hesitation that Tord took Tom’s hand and allowed the eyeless man to drag him to his feet. The next part was even more confusing. Before Tord even had time to steady himself he was being pulled forwards. His immediate thought was that Tom was going to hit him again, but _nope._

Apparently being nearly killed had made Tord’s old friends partial to hugs and very forgiving. Because now Tom was hugging him. Tom, who had always hated him, who had nearly killed him with a harpoon, who had been turned into a literal monster because of him, was hugging him.

“And this is for letting me think you were dead.”

This was definitely the most confusing reunion thus far. But Tord couldn’t help but feel like the hugs were starting to grow on him. They gave him this warm feeling he hadn’t felt in years.

* * *

**4**

After being hugged and forgiven three times over, having his overprotective gay parents break into Edd’s apartment was probably the least surprising thing Tord had experienced this week. He’d been relaxing on the sofa, waiting for Edd to get home, when somebody knocked on the door. Assuming it was Matt or Tom, he’d gotten up to answer it, only for the door to fly off its hinges. Only some quick reflexes and a robot arm had prevented it from smacking him in the face.

He’d dropped his arm to see two very familiar men standing in the doorway, for some reason still wearing their uniforms in a giant building full of people. Oh, hello, second-hand embarrassment! I haven’t seen you in a while. Not nice to see you!

“What are you two doing here?” Tord asked, holding back the sigh he so desperately wanted to release.

“You disappear for a week without contacting us and expect us not to come looking for you?” Patryk was generally the more vocal of the two when it came to Tord. Paul was that quiet parent who fussed over you whenever people weren’t looking.

Tord knew that no answer he gave would suffice, so he decided to take a page out of his friends’ books. Which was how he ended up in a very awkward situation when Edd returned.

Edd walked into the apartment so see Tord receiving motherly hugs from two men in uniform. Tord looked as if he wanted to die.

“Paul, Patryk, this is Edd, my roommate.” Tord said, sounding even more like he wanted death. “Edd, this is Paul and Patryk, my overprotective gay parents.”

That sentence alone had been enough for Edd to have a laughing fit, which attracted Matt into the room and, once the ginger had joined in, even Tom. And so Tord was left being smothered in affection while his friends laughed at his embarrassment. Never before had he wanted death so fervently.

* * *

**5**

A few weeks after the embarrassment, Paul and Patryk had moved into an apartment across the hall, meaning that Tord could once again relax. And it was also helpful for whenever his robot arm stopped working; he couldn’t be bothered to figure out how to fix it so he let Paul do it for him.

Tord had started counting down the days on the calendar Edd kept by the fridge. Each morning he woke up with the sun, snuck out and marked off the day before Edd even awoke. This morning, however, Edd was already awake and in Tom’s apartment, according to the note left on the table. Tord had mused over it for a moment before giving up and just marking off the day on the calendar. Today was the day.

Paul and Patryk wouldn’t know; he’d never told them. Matt wouldn’t be able to remember thanks to Tord’s memory eraser gun. Tom wouldn’t care. Edd… Well, he didn’t know what Edd would do.

He certainly hadn’t expected what did happen. He’d eventually decided that Edd was taking too long and headed over to Tom’s apartment. He’d knocked on the door, only for it to swing open. Weird. Tord had walked inside and been surprised so see that all the lights were off. Also weird. Then he had heard muttering and the oddly distinctive sound of stretching rubber. Very weird.

“Hello? Edd? Tom? Ma-”

“Surprise!”

If Tord was prone to heart attacks, he definitely would’ve had one as five voices screamed in unison and the lights turned on to reveal balloons and ribbons and a large makeshift banner with the words “Happy Birthday” painted on and glitter covering the entire thing. As it was, he felt his breath stop for a good few seconds before he began to comprehend what was happening.

“Y-you actually remembered?”

“Of course!” Edd had the largest grin. Tom seemed indifferent; Matt, Paul and Patryk looked a little uncertain.

“It was Edd’s idea.” Tom admitted in a monotone. “It was also his idea to use my apartment.”

“Matt’s is too crowded with Matts, Tord is living in mine and Paul and Patryk’s is really small! You were the only sensible option.”

Tord couldn’t care less about where or why it was. They had actually remembered. They actually cared.

* * *

**1**

After the ‘party’, Paul and Patryk had gone back to their apartment, leaving Tord and his friends to themselves for a while. He didn’t remember much, really, other than realising it was late and having Matt announce a sleepover that Tom protested to. At some point they started watching horror movies and, with the others distracted, he realised he could actually go through with it.

Being granted access to Tom’s apartment was possibly the best gift he was given. Edd kept his knives very orderly, Matt’s were hidden somewhere beneath the many portraits of himself, and neither of them could grow beards for whatever reason. Finding Tom’s kitchen would take too long, but he was the only one of the group able to grow facial hair, so he would have the next best thing.

* * *

By time Tom realised Tord was missing, they’d watched at least two movies, Matt had fallen asleep and Edd had huddling beneath a blanket. Matt was a heavy sleeper and Tom couldn’t bring himself to tear down Edd’s defence, so he sighed and left the sofa. Tord wouldn’t have left without telling them, so he had to be somewhere in the apartment. 

The kitchen was empty, as was the bedroom, and he knew for certain that the communist wasn’t in the living room, so Tom realised that he had to be in the bathroom. But he’d been in there for nearly an hour, and the door was open. Not locked, not even closed. And yet, as he stopped outside the door, a familiar scent hit him.

If he had to thank Tord for one thing, it would be the heightened senses that came with the monster-ism. From both common knowledge and personal experience, he knew that the smell of blood was bad. With only slight hesitation, Tom grabbed the handle and opened the door. It was as bad as he had expected.

“Edd!”

* * *

Somewhere during Insane Zombie Pirates from Hell 6, Edd had retreated into the blanket he’d found in a cupboard, unwilling to continue looking at all of the blood. Upon hearing Tom yell his name, however, he dared to peek out. The movie had stopped and nobody had started the next one. Matt was asleep and both Tom and Tord were nowhere to be found.

Edd climbed to his feet and glanced around before heading towards where he thought Tom’s voice had come from. Eventually he found the bathroom, from which he could hear a quiet sobbing and some mumbled words. It was enough to make him dart forwards, into the room. He stopped and stared for a moment before retreating.

Usually when Matt fell asleep during a movie Edd would leave him to sleep, but this was an emergency. Luckily this seemed to be one of his lighter sleeps and he was awake after a few shakes of the shoulder. Edd dragged him along to the bathroom before walking in and opening the cupboard above the sink.

* * *

Tord hadn’t expected such a response. Tom had wandered in, seen the blood, and immediately slapped the razor out of his hand. Even that was enough to break the crumbling remains of Tord’s walls and reduce him to a crying mess on the floor. He was silently hoping he would bleed out, that Tom would just let him die so that they wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. So that they wouldn’t have to pretend to care.

But instead the eyeless man had called for Edd before crouching down beside Tord and embracing him. It felt like an eternity before he was released and Edd and Matt appeared beside them. Tord watched as Edd bandaged him as if from a distance, as if he weren’t the one who had just slit his own wrist.

But he was. He was the one who was being bandaged, who was being fussed over by people he had thought didn’t really care. He was the one being dragged back into the living room, the one being wrapped in blankets, the one being squished on a sofa too small for four people, even if three of them were piling themselves around the fourth.

And Tord felt that, if they were willing to throw him a party and save him again afterwards, maybe he had been wrong. Maybe… maybe his friends did care.

**Author's Note:**

> My finger slipped. Oops.
> 
> Well I regret everything.


End file.
